Omg...Omg...Omg....Omg....

Okay, so if you have been reading the blog you know my car drama....well yesterday I was blasting my music in my car and I was like...dang...that's some serious base there...then I thought dang Tina that ain't base... I think blew the speakers...but now I'm wondering. Because when I went to leave for work this morning, something just wasn't right so I pulled over at the gas station and found yet again I had a flat tire...Did I tell you I just bought new tires, so I try and fill it up...and it ain't doing nothin with the air. I want to cry...because remember I am alone down here...who do I call, I don't even have the number to a taxi in my phone...yeah and I give the lecture to my boy about learning everything the hard way...remember I have been married girl...this was not one of my specialties. Tragedy would strike and I would cry help :) Well not today I had to figure this one out all on my own. Now I don't want you to think of me wrongly...I managed most of the household...I managed it well, but the car thing...I wanted nothing to do with it other than driving it. Remember I have 2 degrees in college, I know that means nothing to many...but I just want you to know I'm not lazy, or stupid...but sometimes :)

Anyhow, I am so close to the dealership where we bought the car, I drive it right in there. Well they think I must have hit something on the road and blew it...that would have been the loud base last night :) And it would have been even louder if I wasn't listening to my music so loudly. So anyhow, I arrive to work 40 minutes late...I wonder what they must think of me. I eat chicken out of my pocket, which I have to hear about alllllllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyy long. Everyone wants to see my veins...it's an ER thing...we love a body with good veins...everyone is like look at her veins they are like pipes running up and down her body :) Seriously I want to hide in a corner sometimes. Yeah they'll eventually get use to it...but anyhow I feel like Lucy sometimes because I am a clutz, and I am late, and I have to run all over town for my nursing license..Oh I don't know if I told you that story....and now I'm late...this stuff never use to happen to me...

So I get a call saying it will be another $600 to fix the tires, I need a new rim, and two new tires, and the rim is used...damn Mark for having good taste in rims :) So anyhow, I start to well up...because I still have $2300 worth of repairs on my list and I just spent $600 a couple weeks ago. I'm thinking...okay, fine I'll get a new car...I can't take this anymore. So finish up work, get myself a $20 taxi ride back to the dealership. I walk in and the guy says...so you want me to order that rim...it will take a day or two to get it...and I'm like...and I know...never buy a car desperate...but what can I say...I am :) So I look at the Pontiacs...do not ask me why I like them but I do :) And I'm thinking G5, looks nice, great specs, great gas, sunroof, best sound package available, power doors, locks, spoiler, air, cruise...everything a girl could ask for...and heck my kiddos are older, I'm getting a coupe :) But I drive it and I'm thinking, it's not my car...it doesn't feel like my car....and then I see her....

OMG...she felt like she belonged to me :) I looked at her and thought that is my car...I have to have her. So I walk over and eye her up...she's beautiful...and the salesman walks over and says you'd look sweet in that car...she looks like she is made for you...and I'm like yeah whatever dude....of course I'd look sweet in it, I'd look sweet on a box of rocks...stop the bull...not buying it :) OMG the smell of leather, heated seats....and boy can she drive and the sound is out of this world...and there is a port to plug in my zune, no more cassette tape to broadcast zune :) She's not black though, I would have liked black, she's that dark metallic grey like my old car. So I didn't get to bring her home yet...I have to see about financing in the morning...I might not get her...but she feels like mine :)

Anyhow she is the 2008 G8 GXP OMG fully loaded :) Never been driven...so because she is a 2008 I got a sweet deal...the 2009's are $32,000 cars thats for the base model... ha...I'm not gonna tell you what I paid for it but it wasn't much more than the G5...and I bought her off the show room floor :) I'm excited :)

Oh boy I see trouble :) Mine of course is a coupe and it feels like you are in a race car...with a whole lot of tork....Vroom...Vroom :)

Oh and speed on over to my DreamBodies blog...I found something I think you might like :)

Thank you Sarabeth :)

Talk about Diva...Sarabeth just left me this comment to all my questions....and if you haven't checked out her blog and started asking questions you are crazy...she is the bomb :) I hope she doesn't mind me posting her comment...she shared some good stuff :)

Hey Tina, I never forgot about your question I just wanted to get all my ducks in a row before I responded. You see my mom is a nurse as well and I wanted to get some feedback from her about her days in the ER. I know how hard you work and I thank your for all that hard work. It’s people like you and my mom that make this world a better place and I mean that.

As for your eating. You just posted about competing again which means you have to get serious about your eating. ER or no ER.

Some suggestions: Make yourself some finger foods to carry around with you in your pocket so you can eat while on the floor.

Like, Chicken On a Stick. Marinate/season your chicken and soak your skewers in water to prevent from burning. Make sure you cut the skewers the correct length so they actually fit into your pocket. Cut your chicken breast into narrow slices and skewer them length wise. Then you can either grill them or bake them, whatever you like.

Chicken Roll Ups. Beat your chicken breast fairly thin then spread on any greens you prefer and roll them up so they look little chicken logs. I would bake these ahead of time so you can grab them and go the next day. Get creative with the stuffing combinations like greens and cheese (fat free), greens and brown rice, cheese and brown rice, etc.

Pork Loin Chips. If you eat pork, this is a cute recipe. Buy a port loin and slice narrow rounds about the size of a potato chip. Season to taste and use whatever cooking method you prefer or have time for. This way they are small enough to fit into your pocket and quick to eat. If your loin is not a perfect log shape its ok, do your best with it. Focus on making them bite size not perfect.

Now of course you make your meal ahead of time because your a DreamBodies DIVA, right! ;) So all these recipes should be a snap for you. Once your proteins are cooked, allow them to cool down and then throw them into small zip lock bags so they are ready to grab and throw into your cooler. I know my DIVA has a cooler in which she puts all of her muscle building meals for work and everyday. ;)

Oh, and make sure you wear your scrubs with the pockets so you can keep your little protein packets in them. There’s nothing worse than reaching into your pocket and having your hand slide down the sides of your scrubs because todays outfit doesn't have any pockets. I’ve seen my mother do it many times.lol But who knows maybe all scrubs have pockets now. lol

I hope these tips are helpful to you. You need to be strong while on that floor girl so eat up DIVA ;)

She is so right, I know if I want to compete again, I have to have all my ducks in a row. That's why I haven't decided yet. I've been testing myself the past couple of weeks, really pushing myself to get in the meals and drink my water with my new job. Thing is...it's been a struggle, I'm carrying my chicken in baggies in my pocket...my crockpot has 3 lbs of meat in it at all times, I live out of ziplocs, and I'm still chewing when I go to talk to my patients, my hands still have chicken on them while I am typing on the computer. And yet I know how to compete with some of the worst of struggles, and the thing is...I know I can be better...that's the thing that itches me the most....I'm not going to be done competing, ever, until I know...I can't be any better. I can see right now what I will look like in 14 weeks...I want that...I want that up on the stage...it's killing me to think I need to wait...because I want it so bad I can taste it.

So anyways...I said I was going to bed...days off are just not long enough...I didn't do half the things I wanted to do. But I did buy a camera :) My kids will be here this week. My baby is going to be sweet 16 on Thursday, his golden birthday. We had a long talk on the phone today...I love that boy...and anyhow, we got to talking about all the things we are going to do...I figured I needed to get a camera... because this boy is always doing stuff to get your attention, wonder where he gets that from :)

BTW...check out Sarabeths post from yesterday... I love this one :) Well actually all of them, if you haven't been there yet :)

Monster Mash :)

Okay Becca...send me everything again today...and I will look it over....

I am going to compete again this year....I am not going to compete again this year....I am going to compete again this year....I am not going to compete again this year.

Here's the thing I think about another competition with a bunch of girlfriends...and I get all excited....I try and tell myself NO...and I'm just miserable :) I love the gym...but I love competing!!!! I'm thinking I suck at competing...really I do...but I love the prep...I love the weeks of prep...hanging with everyone else prepping for the same show. I love to travel for shows. I love meeting all of you out there with similar passion for the sport.

And this sounds like the show :) Who's all doing it ????? The Monster Mash :)

Okay I'm going to bed...most of you will be half done with your day by the time I wake up :) I do like working the PM shift though... it's the fun crowd :) Day shift not so much...way too intense :)

Hey there :)

Head on over to my dreambodies blog...I posted over there for the day. I have to head to the gym, then work...I can't wait for today to be over...then I get a day off...yeah just one :) So I'll try to get to all my favorite blogs tomorrow...there are a few dreambodies girls that are really taking off...I'm loving it...And we've got some competitions this weekend so there will be loads to get excited about. I have so much to do, so much to talk about...and so little time ...I hate it. But when I was out reading some blogs about a week or so ago I promised I would get to the mind in a post, Sarabeth beat me to it...and she's far more articulate than me so go check it out if you haven't yet. I'm not sure if I wrote what I was thinking about a week ago...but what came out is where I'm at today. My slap stick approach to get you thinking about things :)

Check out the shoes :)

Oh where to begin....so I got my suits on Wednesday and I was super excited, they looked really sassy on and I was so ready to do this, so I kept doing my thing...cardio in the morning, weights and cardio in the evening...kept the carbs low...really got my head back in the zone. Then I tried on my suits Thursday, I wasn't feeling it, I didn't feel as skinny as the day before, I felt puffy I swear I am so sensitive to stress...because yes I had three days off and my mood was fabulous, I was feeling in the zone, and I go back to work, I'm all rushed and stressed, and pushed to my limits and I get home from work and feel all bloated and puffy, and blahhhhh. I know it's a new job so things will settle down eventually when I get more comfortable....I think...I hope :)

So I have a couple stressful days of work, I've only had 4 days so far off orientation, and you wouldn't believe the things I've seen in the ER, OMG...I wish I could talk about it....oh do I have stories :) But I was at work yesterday and Marissa texted me to say she had something come up and she wasn't going to be able to make it to the swimsuit contest. Now if you remember right she was the only reason I was going to do this once I found out what it was about. So I get done with work and when you are amidst some serious life and death stuff all day it is really hard to walk out and think...time to become a Harley babe...yeah I knew it wasn't happening...but I go. I get there and I am thinking this seriously is not my scene. I mean I love Harley's but I don't drink, and then I saw the majority of the 20 somethings that look the way they do not because they workout insanely and I listened to what these girls eat...OMG...like candy all day long. Personally I'm tooooo thick right now, one day I can look thin and the next I can look puffy...but that's because I have not been doing my cardio, I have not been getting in my meals right....I'm going to get this worked out...I will...but as I was saying...more than half did not have real shape...OMG what I could do for them if I got them in the gym and eating right...but that's a whole nother story :) So anyhow, I didn't make the top 12 for the calendar, which was fine for me, I wasn't the kind of girl they were looking for and I didn't work the stage and the crowd like I would have had to...I didn't work it at all...I wasn't nervous at all, just not into it. So my friend took a few pictures of me by the bikes...I seriously look crabby in every picture, and that wasn't it...I was just exhausted and drained, and trying to lighten up and have fun...but like I said it wasn't happening!!!!

Back to doing my thing, Tony is sending new diet protocols, I'm back to really loving the cardio and the way it makes me feel, my lifting is oh so so, I miss Kim that makes it tough... I cried puddles during my workouts last week, I guess I've had so much change and new, and stress and I'm just finally letting it come forward and it's tough...especially because I am on my own. Everyone keeps telling me I have to embrace where I am right now...but I'm not feeling it yet...I just realized the other day that my identity has been married girl for half of my life....I guess in my head I'm still married girl...I like being married girl...I don't want a bunch of guy's ohhhhhing and ahhhhhing over me...I just want one that treats me like a princess...but I truly wonder if there is a prince out there for me. That's me...a hopeless romantic...love is the only thing I ever wanted...to have someone to love and to be loved in return...I don't need much...but that I need...and I've yet to find it. That's all I want...my prince to take me off into the stars on a Harley :) :) :) Vroom Vroom !!!!!!

Can anything ever be easy for me???

LOL...seriously I could tell you stories of my last week that would go on and on...about all the stress. I am full of hives...and now I'm going to do a swimsuit contest...huh? Really I didn't realize when I said I would do this Harley shoot...what it was all about. My friend on the other hand checked it all out...and with some input from Marissa...it seems this is a 20 year old, have boobies, never had babies kind of contest and we have to dance around outside posing and such in heels and a bikini :) Okay...stop right there...I'm really not that comfortable in a bikini :) Yes, the camera can hide flaws...but in the flesh, up close and personal...I have the worst of battle scars from my precious babies. And then I think do I even want this...I just wanted to be on a Harley in front of the camera in a bikini again, I wanted the pictures. I didn't know I was going to have to work for it :) Anyhow, there is a mix up with my order for the suits...I'm waiting right now to get on the phone with them as soon as they open. I was ready to say forget it to Marissa, I'm not going to do it, I'm not sure I want it. But here I am, I'm doing it...oh heck what else would I be doing on a Friday night, might as well dance around a bunch of bikers in a bikini...huh...the things I do for some time on a Harley :)

So here are my suits...any suggestions on which one to dance around in :) What do you think will get me votes :) Seriously I expect nothing more than a bunch of fun with Marissa out of this...but damn I wanna be on a Harley again :) Btw these were all super cheap...and I couldn't decide on just one, so I got them all :)





Vroom....vroom :)

Cha...ching suits will be here on Wednesday...thanks to 2-day air :) Really I must make life less complicated and get my billing address and my shipping address to match :) Yes I create the madness :) Off to work the legs :) Cuz I love it :)

Sometimes the Universe knows right where I'm at!

But Tina, what if you did have the power, the reach, and the glory? What if you were given dominion over all things? And what if eternity lay before you, brimming with love, friends, and laughter? Yet still, one day, in all your radiance, bubbling over with giddy excitement, you tripped, fell, and got hurt - really hurt.Would you give up on all of your dreams? Would you hate yourself? Would you forget life's magic and promise?Or would you shrug it off, look ahead, and exclaim that it's "just a flesh wound"?

Touché,   
The Universe

BTW...had some kick azz days in the gym the last few days...been chatting with my peeps you know who you are :) And...its just a flesh wound :)

I'll be back in the morning I can already hear the echo's of Tony (Oz)...."You must sleep if you want a lean body and make muscle" :) And I have been...but the sleep is cramping into my day because I'm up so late I have to sleep till 10 or 11... What can I say I love staying up late when the world is sleeping :) So peaceful :) Have a fantabulous Monday...I love Mondays and its leg day and I'm ready :)
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

I'm so silly sometimes :)

Okay I was at the gym last night till waayyyyyyyy too late...I was off yesterday so there was no reason to procrastinate the whole day away :) I mean I cleaned and did laundry and shopped for suits and that blasted facebook that has me so curious as to what all of you are doing :) Anyhow, so that last post was from me at the gym on my blackberry that decides to only work for me when I do the dance right which goes something like, pull the battery...jump up and down, stand on my head, hammer it against the wall take 5 steps forward, 10 steps back...and when I get the order right the screen works until I move it and then I have to start back at the beginning...yes I'm going to get a new phone because there are no towers that support my phone here so it is wearing the thing out just trying to get a signal...just need a day to figure out the best phone to get.

So yeah, last night I was posing in the mirror in between sets like I always do and I don't even realize I'm doing it :) And all of a sudden I start to laugh at myself...and think yeah right whatever Tina...you'll be doing more shows. And yes April...hormones :) But can somebody please tell me when it's gonna stop...because there is no timing to it...I'm on a hormonal roller coaster ever since my competition. Not to mention when I asked Tony about these dang hives I keep breaking out in, he says it's stress. And I was like but why do I get them right before and right after a competition...and he says stress. And I know hives are cause by stress...but I never feel stressed...obviously, I am not very in tuned to how I am feeling, because I have been without hives for 2 weeks and when I was looking for a suit for the Harley shoot on-line, I started to feel anxious about doing the shoot, what kind of suit would be best, and out of nowhere the hives appeared everywhere. See our bodies are pretty smart.

So anyhow, today was my first day at work off orientation...and let me tell you...shit hit the fan...I had some of the craziest experiences...but I felt really good about how they all turned out. I'm a little concerned about my eating plan though because I ate breakfast...but seriously there was no time to even use the restroom...which I would have used before even thinking about eating...I didn't get a break, not even a breather. How can you break when you have people waiting in the waiting room, ambulances coming in...I never see anyone eat anything on days like this...I had a water, I didn't even have time to swig on that...it's just run, run, run...it's real fun...makes the day just fly...but I'm going to get fat if I don't eat...so I come home, eat 2 meals an hour apart, go to the gym, have my afterwork out shake...do some stuff and go to bed...howmy suppose to build muscle like that. And Tony says no excuses...and I know he's right...if you want something you'll make it happen...but I'm not making it happen...I can't figure out how ???

Just being honest here :)

I've been the one on blogs telling all you out there, make it happen...I did when I was in ICU...but this is different. I'm trying here and when I get it figured out...there will be no excuses for you out there :)

And Becca...you are killing me with the monster mash, and Marissa with the Madison show...and I wanna do a show...I do...I need to talk to Tony to see when I should wait till...sometimes I think I need to focus on these other things I wanna do....but when I start to even do that I break into tears like right now. What does that mean????????????????? I think it means I can't live any other way than prepping for a show. But what does that mean??????? Yeah I'm suppose to talk to Tony soon, I missed his call yet again... because he usually knows what's up :) Or he can get it out of me :)

Off to the gym before I'm there all night again :) I love the gym...makes everything all better...kind of like mom use to do :)

Okay okay

So I'm in the gym right now and I'm thinking whatever Tina you are a poser ;) how the heck am I suppose to do everything I wanna do in just one life...

Kim and Arv were in the gym the other day fighting over who was going to be my personal assistant...cause they don't know how I'm managing without them who's wiping the lipstick off my teeth, carrying my things so I don't drop them... Their list went on :) seriously they may be on to something... I can barely handle going to work, and working out.

But I am a poser so there will be more figure competitions... Don't listen to me sometimes!!!!

Sent from my BlackBerry Smartphone provided by Alltel

Do ta do...

So I'm off today...and I've spent most of my day looking at bikini's for the Mad City Harley swimsuit calendar photoshoot. Talk about last minute...ugh...atleast I don't have to be competition skinny...cause I'm not...I cut back on the cardio, and I start to soften right up, not that I was ever hard enough. It's okay though...bonus...my noons are back :) Private joke :) Which is such a necessity when your talking swimsuit calendar :) I'm sort of lost right now...I don't know if it's lost...no it's lost. I don't know what I want, where I'm going, just at a crossroads...I was cleaning up my closet, which is such a mess...and I came across my beautiful figure suit, and I instantly burst into tears...because even though I don't admit it to myself...I'm not sure I'm going to compete again. Sometimes I think competing served it's purpose...I want other things.

Did you know I've always dreamed of taking dance lessons...my friend Shelley even reminded me that she was so jealous of me when we were little because I got to take dance lessons and she didn't. Well I quit back then because I overheard my dad saying we couldn't afford it, so I said I didn't want to do it anymore. Flash dance was my favorite movie when I was a kid, I use to sneak downstairs and hide behind the chair and watch it when my parents watched it over and over on showtime. Did you know that Shall we Dance was a Japenese film first...I watched it a million times reading the subtitles before they ever made the Jennifer Lopez, Richard Gere version. I was addicted to Dancing with the Stars, and I love to go out and dance...I begged Mark all the years we were married to take dance lessons with me. I called up the dance companies when I moved to Marquette, but I still couldn't get Mark to do it with me. And here I am....back in Madison...there is a dance company at the gym I belong to right now...and I took home the flyer. Everywhere I turn right now I am reminded that I dream to dance. I'm finally not full-time anymore, so I can probably nail down a class to attend...now I don't have a partner...a little scared to show up without one...but I want to dance again more than anything...I want to get good at it, I want to even get good enough to do some amateur competitions. Yes I love the stage, I love to workout, and make muscle, but really I want to look like a dancer, which isn't far off from a competitor...I'll still work with Tony...that will be forever. But I don't know about the figure stage, I don't know about bikini's...I just don't know.

So that's my secret...you weren't expecting that were you...I wasn't even expecting to say what I wrote, I wasn't expecting to fall into tears when I looked at my suit...but dancing is in my heart...waiting for me to let it out. It's not the only thing I dream...I have lots of dreams and ideas rolling in my head...just waiting for the right time for me to feel ready to let them out. You must remember when I say I'm going to do something...I always do...and this dream is very important to me. So I'm not keeping it to myself anymore. I don't know how I'm going to do it alone...but I'm going to take the first step...I sign up for shifts on Monday and I need to know what days to block out...I'm going to do it. Just you wait and see :) Ha Ha Ha....if you remember way back in my earliest posts...I use to picture my trainer Tony as Tony from "Dances with the Stars" :) LOL....I don't know where that came from :) But it's true, that was the visual I had of Tony in the beginning...I think the Big Guy just scarred me too much...now I know he's just a softy :) And I wonder what he will think of this :) LOL!!

BTW...I've been posting on my Dreambodies blog and not telling you...don't miss out on that...I have more time now...so that's a focus...I want to really dig deep into how I got to where I am over there. It's Hammer time :)